FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
