Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
