Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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