Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
