I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
