I wish I could punch you in the face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
