it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
pray to the hookup gods
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize