At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
