We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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