I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
