He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need a beard to bite.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
