just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
