so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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