Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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