i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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