You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize