I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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