I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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