You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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