Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize