I want to have your abortion
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
