I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
