for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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