She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
