He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
