It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Text me some of your sweat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
