I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize