Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
