does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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