you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
