I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
