white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
True college students do jello shots in the library
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
