upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All the doctor said was why
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
