I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How does one acquire holy water?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize