P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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