Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
