these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
