i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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