you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
