I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
