I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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