kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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