thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
