If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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