I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
