Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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