put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
