No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
