I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And then my night got REAL pukey
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
