Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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