I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
