this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So many bounce houses so little time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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