just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
