My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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