Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
