Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
