HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just threw up on my dentist
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
