You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
