I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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