He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
