I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
