I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
