By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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