Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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