What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
