I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
