last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
