great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
