at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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