Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
