look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
