Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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