What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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