tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
