He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
