have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
