there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
